Friday, August 31, 2012

Life is such a balancing act. I picture a clown in a circus juggling balls or balancing something.
Some clowns are good at it, others not so much.

Finding the balance of school, friends, relationships,  family, work, ect.
It can be tough. Real tough.
Being thrown into new situations doesn't make the balancing easier.
I'm responsible for finding that balance for me, no one else is.
Everyone has to take responsibility for their own balancing act.

Sometimes you have to fight, strive, make a conscious effort to get that balance.
Sometimes it calls for negotiation in another area.

You just have to keep trying.
You probably won't ever master it.
But, thats ok.
As long as you just keep trying.

Not so tough.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I tried kickboxing tonight. It is tough. I looked like a uncoordinated toddler learning to walk. I always in vision myself as this tough kick-ass women, if in a certain situation, I would rise and defend myself. Tonight I was proven wrong. I looked like a wimp, a vulnerable wimp that a 8 year old could beat up. The teacher kept saying stuff like "Be tough" "Give it all you got" "Stare at yourself and punch hard!" I stared into the mirror wondering "what am I doing wrong?" I looked around the room and started to observe other people and I tried to mimic them. I even tried putting a fist up to my face, to protect myself, just like they do in the movies. I tried starring intensely at the mirror. I tried getting my whole body into each punch and kick.... None of it was working. In reality, I probably just looked more ridiculous (like one of those people in the front row taking it WAY to serious). I'm not cut out for the tough, rough life. I just don't have it in me. I finally started to realize I was being ridiculous trying to get upset and angry in a class, just to look mean and like a true fighter. So I started to smile and put a bounce in my kick and jig in my punch. It was much more fun that way.

I get tired of people telling me how I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do or bossing me around. I'm done with it all. I am who I am. Ill make whatever choice I want, I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences of looking not tough in a kickboxing class. It's my choice. Accept it...or don't.

oh pablo

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I haven't painted in a while, and I love to paint. The whole transition down to Loma Linda has kind of cramped my style. But this past weekend I decided to paint again. I wanted to try and paint from my mind, not replicating anything I saw. This was the only way I painted when I was little.
 I remember taking art lessons with my sister when we were younger. I would just go crazy painting abstract art and loving every picture I painted. Eventually my art teacher would make me pick a picture to copy, so that my mom would have a nice picture to frame and hang on the wall.
 It is hard to just let go. I was so frustrated.
I think it will get easier if I just keep trying.

"I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them."
-Pablo Picasso

Simple Things of Life

Friday, August 24, 2012

It's the simple things I like.
It's usually the simple things I take for granted.
I'm done taking them for granted. They deserve more.
When those simple things disappear it's then I realize just how much they mean.

"What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while." - Gretchen Rubin The Happiness Project

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