"It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches." — Lemony Snicket

Thursday, August 28, 2014

There is this bittersweet taste that consumes my tastebuds as I take the trips between homes. 
The excitement of entering arms of loving parents and the bleakness of leaving a boyfriends. 
Exchanging the comfort of your single small home, to the familiarity of a childhood home. 
The beat of the ocean waves against the sand for the tranquil water running around the river bend. 
I have multiple homes.
All of which hold precious characteristics.
All of which are disheartening to leave.  
All of which are heartwarming to great. 
The bittersweet taste comes and goes with the settling of a home.
Soon it will return to engulf the tastebuds once more. 


Monday, August 25, 2014

"Aging is not 'lost youth' but a new stage of opportunity and strength." — Betty Friedan

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

This morning sitting in my corner at Olive peering out the window, I spotted an older man gently guiding an even older woman into the coffee shop. I couldn't help but assume it was a mother and son. This is the 3rd time I have met them here.
They are precious.
Her wrinkled hands held tight to her purse.
A slight hunched over back hid the pride of her face, the time she had taken putting on bold and bright makeup.
He seated her next to the window so she had a good view, making sure she was comfortable.
With the usual order in mind, he gathered their cups of coffee and a croissant sandwich.
Gently cutting it in half, he delicately placed half on her plate.
They ate slowly, enjoying looking out the window to watch people pass by and waving at small children.
Their conversations were small, but when they talked they were engaged, smiling and laughing.
My heart is calmed and warmed with scenes like these.
Maybe I am foolish, but I like to think the whole aging population is wise. 
They have learned what is most important in life, love.
When words are needed and when they aren't.
An ability to put others before themselves, humility.
And probably my favorite lesson, the trick of moving slow in a fast society.

"Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become reality." — Earl Nightingale

Friday, August 15, 2014

Ever since my fridge died this past Friday--which ultimately ending in me losing most of the groceries I had bought just the day before--I have been too lazy and cheap to buy any replacement groceries.  I now have a new fridge but my procrastination continues to be encouraged by the fact that my car once again broke down this week and has been"staying" with the mechanic for a couple of nights. 
Due to all of this, I have found myself in the school cafe every morning to grab my hard boiled eggs and fruit which roughly totals $3.24--which feels like a steal. 

Yesterday I found myself in the scurry across the campus as I hurried to grab my breakfast before being picked up by Sasha to head to L.A. 
The morning had consisted of a short morning run, in which I had almost been hit by a car, sending my nerves into a shaking frenzy. 
This resulted in me walking and sprinting all the way back home, trying to calm myself, pushing the time of when I had to meet Sasha closer. 
I quickly showered and tried to find one of my favorite outfits that felt good but there were limited choices because my laundry is weeks overdue. 
So here I found myself--feeling frazzled, clothes not fitting the way I wanted, sweating and rushing across campus to get breakfast. 
You could say this wasn't my most charming moment. 

As I rounded a corner I saw a man walking towards me. I hate to describe him this way... but he fit the term "meat head" perfectly. 
He had large muscles that made his neck disappear.  He wore a tank top because shirts wouldn't fit his arm muscles.  He had a short crew hair cut probably because he couldn't lift his arms to fix his hair.  His walk was the straddle walk of a cowboy. 
As we drew closer to each other he smiled and said "absolutely gorgeous legs" and just kept walking. 
I was shocked and surprised by his comment.
 For anyone who knows me well, you will know I don't particularly find my legs to be described as "gorgeous".  They have always been my "meat sticks".  Thick and sturdy but not necessarily attractive. 
I immediately went from feeling frazzled and distasteful to slowing down, smiling, and feeling gorgeous. 
I am not going to lie, it felt really good that something I didn't necessarily like about myself someone else found beauty. 
I looked down at my legs and smiled. 
They are strong and sturdy and that man found that to be gorgeous.
Probably for obvious reasons due to his meat head-iness. 
But still he was kind enough to say it and opened my eyes. 

I don't know where this mentality of choosing pieces of ourselves that we like and dislike started. 
We try to be positive and tell our minds things to encourage or convince ourselves that we believe there is good. 
"My legs allow me to do what I want in life. I don't care if they are bigger."
"Thick legs can look good too."
But our subconscious doesn't always believe us. 
Sometimes it takes someone else affirming you to make you really believe or to remind you of the good that exists all throughout you.
I like to believe that those affirmations slowly give you back a piece of your belief that you are good, changing your subconscious, ultimately changing you. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

I wish I was better at all this.
But I am trying.
I am learning to let go.
To forgive without expectations.
To accept whats good.
To shut my mouth when negative words start to gather.
To give when it seems inconvenient.
I am letting this be my focus and I can feel my heart changing.

“I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort, where we overlap.” ― Ani DiFranco

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I have an itch, one that starts deep in my heart moving out to every limb.
This itch is to travel, to experience new communities.
Find out the secrets of what makes communities unique and ties them together.
Through all the OT schooling I have had the main theme I always find myself returning to is the importance of community.
I don't care what type of community, whether it's a city in india, bike club, church, or farmers market. I love communities.
I am enthralled by it, it gets me, I get it.
I love seeing communities that come together to help one another in times of crisis.
The communities that gather together to share crafts, goods, skills and conversations.

Sometimes its easy to overlook my own community and desire another.
But I find myself longing for something deeper than just a community. I want a community that stretches me, pushes me out of my comfort zone.
That what I lack someone else is able to make up for.
One that I am an active member of and can give just as equally as it gives to me.

Cyndi and Britt 
Going back to our old acro days

Just this past weekend I was able to celebrate a dear friend marry her best friend.
I was surrounded by my community from my high school days.
We laughed and I mean hard, the belly aching type.
It felt so good! I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed to the point of pain.
And boy did we talk, we talked about any and everything under the sun. Sharing dreams, thoughts, memories and world views.
All of us so different but all contributing to having such a memorable time.

It was refreshing to feel that sense of belonging and community, where we all support and challenge each other.
Brunch with the bridesmaids 
It reminded me I have a community.
That I have been surrounded by community through different phases of life.
A good reminder that I will once again feel and experience a community.

Kara and Ash lounging
Moms and friends 

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