Sunday, December 29, 2013

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

-Neil Gaiman

"Luxury is not a necessity to me, but beautiful and good things are." — Ana├»s Nin

Thursday, December 19, 2013

This is an excerpt from, The Book Thief,  that I wanted to share.

Rudy and Liesel live in Germany during World War 2 and they are the best of friends.  This is one of their sweet encounters...

"It didn't take Rudy long to dig the coin from his pocket and place it firmly on the counter. He looked straight in Frau Diller's spectacled eyes and said, "mixed lollies, please."

Frau Diller smiled. Her teeth elbowed each other for room in her mouth, and her unexpected kindness made Rudy and Liesel smile as well. Not for long.

She bent down, did some searching, and faced them again. "Here" She said, tossing a single lolly onto the counter. "Mix it yourself."

Outside, they unwrapped it and tried biting it in half, but the sugar was like glass. Far too tough, even for Rudy's animal-like choppers. Instead, they had to trade sucks on it until it was finished.

Ten sucks for Rudy. Ten for Liesel. Back and Forth.

"This," Rudy announced at one point, with a lolly toothed grin, "is the good life," and Liesel didn't disagree. By the time they were finished, both their mouths were an exaggerated red, and as they walked home, they reminded each other to keep their eyes peeled, in case they found another coin."

I can remember countless times being in a similar situation, sharing some piece of candy and thinking this is great! Not even upset that I was licking someone else's saliva,  just happy to be tasting the sweetness of the candy.
What a good reminder to look around and notice the good life we are living.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Em thanks for introducing me to this song. 

“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” ― Franz Kafka

Thursday, December 12, 2013

A story told through the eyes of a kid always brings new light to an old story. 
Kid goggles, they are priceless. 

How precious is this? 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken." — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Have you ever noticed all the cars that surround you and wonder what the other people in those cars, driving the same direction as you, are discussing or thinking? I don't prefer the cars to be parallel to me as we drive, thats just awkward, but rather in front or behind.
I peer into my rearview mirror to see the faces following me. Usually I think, "Man, I'm glad I'm not in that car." because of the presumption that it looks somewhat dull, a business man de-stressing from his hard work day or a grandma just slightly smiling with her squinty eyes, probably trying to see the road. 

This morning as I peered into my rearview mirror I caught a glimpse of a red Subaru Forester. Its occupants were a young trendy couple. Trendy meaning her hair was red, curly and wild, she wore a black and white stripped shirt that made her look like she just came from the Eiffel Tower. His dark hair was parted neatly and slicked over to the side, his glasses looked like they were made in the 60's with a nice plaid shirt to accompany the look. They appeared to be enjoying the early morning, laughing and chatting. 
The thin cigarettes raised to greet their mouths and then lowered to be tapped on the open windows, turning their heads ever so slightly to blow the smoke into the brisk air. I could only think of one way to describe it, synchronized smoking. 
I have never found smoking to be cool or attractive in any way, but in that moment of looking in my rearview mirror I was drawn to it, maybe it was the song I was listening to or the early morning dawn light that made it look beautiful. 
But it was! 
It was beautiful, peaceful, and captivating. 
I wanted to be in the backseat right in the middle, talking with them, my hair whipping around in the crisp morning air, with my own cigarette in hand. 
Of course the smell would probably be unbearable, and I know it's bad for my lungs, but I have never wanted to be in a car so bad, especially one that seems so unfitting for me. 
The light turned green and my foot slowly pressed against the gas pedal.
Reluctantly I pulled away, smiling at the trail of thoughts my mind just took me on, leaving the synchronized smokers behind.
I wonder if anyone ever sees me driving and wishes to be sitting in my black worn out leather seat, right next to me? 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

“Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.” ― Paulo Coelho

Friday, December 6, 2013

Yesterday I heard a fact that really surprised me,  yet I could completely relate to....

"80% of the decisions we make, are made out of fear."

As I read the fact I didn't even have to contemplate it, I knew it was true for me.
What were the things that controlled my decisions.

The fear of...

what others will think.
being rejected.
people not laughing at my joke.
just falling short.
awkward moments.
not adding up to what you want to be, or what others want you to be.

These fears make me play it safe. They stop me from putting myself out there. I am afraid of letting people see...
I cry when I face confrontation,
that sometimes my jokes don't make sense,
that when I really care, it's almost mind consuming to try to show it.
I don't always have something to say,
that I want to fall back in love,
I need help sometimes,
that I m not good at everything I try the first time,
that I hate change,
I am really hard on myself.

These things stop me from making decisions that my heart might actually desire, so instead my fears mute the uncertainties.
I'm afraid of my head telling me or someone else telling me,  "I told you so." I make decision that are guaranteed to have positive results or no results at all. Sometimes I feel like I have played it safe for so long that I don't even know my heart.

But what if I just became aware of where my decisions were coming from? Either a place of fear, or want?
What if I stop and ask myself, what have I been living for?
What have I been surrendering to?
What if I threw those fears into the wind and accepted that things might not go the direction I want?
But I could rest in the fact that I feel contentment in a decision that I made no matter the outcome, because it was something I really wanted.

I have been letting life take me where it wants to go, instead I want to take life where I want to go.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

At times, I feel like I am left with no options. I don't have a say, it's just decided for me. My organs get all twisted inside and a pit starts to form in my stomach. Thats when anxiety really sets in, at least thats how I sum it up in one word. I often wonder to myself if other people experience this to the extent that I feel I do. When Anxiety hits, I feel like I have no options but to go with what I am feeling, embracing it. I use to think that was a good option, that I was being true to what I was feeling. Now I have learned I have options, starting with my attitude. I have an option to set aside whats stressing me and walk it out, dance it out, or tub it out. Waiting on my circumstances to change never has really helped. It is when I make a change and find other options that I feel in control, the organs untwist and the pit disappears.

Checklist for the day:
1. Let go of what I can't control
2. Be aware of how darn lucky I am.
3. Get Moving
4. Be productive in a calm, refreshing way.

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